Accommodation.

There is no way to describe knowing your baby is going deaf, or is already deaf. Its a sad reminder that age approaches us in different ways, at different rates. Its a humble reminder that bodies are so delicate, so complex, so mysterious. And although I've been reading about dealing with deaf dogs, the most beautiful part is Lyubov does not need any alternate communcation like hand signals. His amazing ability to perceive lies in the way he reads us. He just knows what we're saying. Lyubov is a master at decoding body language.

Lyubov has been my friend for almost 12 years now. He walked into my house one February morning in 1999, confident, unknowing where life was taking him. And we surely did not anticipate that our life would never be the same again.
He grew to be a handsome boy, noticed by everyone and loved by all. Most definitely the star attraction where ever he went. More effervescent was his friendly disposition and the constant happiness that he shared everywhere he went.

He has seen me through my first boyfriend, break-ups, failures, happiness. Hes seen me through school, college and a post-graduation (and I could wish for more). He has greeted me when I've tip toed home on late nights and when I've rushed to college with eyes barely awakened. You name it and hes been a part of it.

Exceptionally intelligent, truly affectionate, uncontainably exuberant. Always happy, always young, always full of spirit has been the way I would describe my boy.

But suddenly, things have changed in the past year. It began with his body becoming feeble but spirit still quite able. He suddenly cannot run, jump or even walk too much. But it hit me when i began to doubt his spirit. He suddenly does not love his toys as much or isn't excited about things that would drive him crazy before. And then the worst part of it. I began to doubt a few weeks ago whether he could hear. And since the past few days I'm constantly testing him. There is no response. Although its comforting to be unsure, i think I'm quite sure hes lost his sense of hearing. And then i begin to think..... Can he not hear my voice? Can he not hear the car coming in? or the packet of crisps crackling open?
at that moment i do not want to say yes, I'm almost letting doubt take over. But for his sake i admit to myself that after 12 long years his body is slowing telling us something. And I notice that this lethargy and non-interest may be his way of distancing himself from us.

For 12 years he has been a friend, a member of the family and more. He has also been my first baby. A soul I've been accustomed to, a companion who has matured with me. We've grown in tandem.

So in these twilight years of his life it is my turn to walk slowly so he can keep up, it is my turn to watch out for cars he cannot hear approach, it is my turn to stand behind him as he climbs, it is my turn to bring him his rubber duck and beg him to play, it is my turn to wait until he has finished his meal, it is my turn to nudge him gently as he sleeps so i can awaken him from his deep sleep without a startle (I'm really convinced old dogs have beautiful, intuitive dreams). I must play the part of an able, youthful person whose spirit is supported by her body for the sake of an old, most wonderful friend who once had the power to drag me through a dusty, muddy lane because he probably saw a human he adored.

I told Bunty the other day, overwhelmed and choking on my tears that I was quite sure, more sure than any connection Ive had with ANY living human on earth that my dogs and I have known eachother from a long time ago. I knew that they were here because our souls were entwined and incomplete without bieng a part of eachothers current stay here on earth.

Im not really sure what i think of the end.... but I most definitely do believe in souls and I dont believe that the important entities in your life are a co-incidence. There is a very definite reason they have come to be so important. Why my parents and family are who they are, why friends and lovers always find eachother.

But until i remain mortal, knowing this will just not make it easier. To go through the rest of my time, in this life, waiting to perhaps meet these pieces of my soul once again.
Goodbyes can never be easy and while people may say its just a dog, the truth is he has moulded each and everyone of us and made us a little bit of a dog while we have made him a little bit of a human.

Lyubov may stay in our house, live on our property, eat our food and sleep in our bedrooms but the simple fact is it is Lyubov who accommodates us.

Wishing my friend, my baby my everything a happy life where the tail never ceases to wag.

While I slept.

So TIA. This is Africa.

1. If you can’t afford to pay for local transport your chances of getting a ride depend solely on your ability to run and jump onto a fast moving vehicle. Believe us, we’ve seen people (who should contend for Olympic medals) run and jump onto the back for a pick-up going 30 mph with 50 people in back.

2. There’s no such thing as a full bus. Anything is possible, even a person sitting on top of a bus, holding both a baby and a basket of avocadoes.

3. Anything (and we mean anything) can be carried on your head, from a few coins to a bar of soap to a whole tree, people here can carry anything.

4. No matter what you ask people the answer is invariably “yes”. Examples: “How do we get to town today?” Answer: “yes.” “How much for the room?” Answer: “Yes.”

5. If you want something done – ask a woman. Men here spend the greater part (okay all) of the day drinking the local brew, Mbege, and staring into space (probably thinking about what their wife is going to cook for dinner). The women spend the day working relentlessly in the fields carting loads of firewood, grass and chicken feed up long steep roads.

6. If you’re a homophobe don’t come to this country. What we mean by this is you can be caught quite off guard by the number of times you see men (who are actually just good friends, not lovers) holding hands. At the same time it is completely socially unacceptable for men and women to display any type of public affection.

7. If you’re a woman driving for the first time in the village don’t stall the car in front of two hundred school children who are so bewildered to see a woman driving that they can’t even move.

8. Blatantly staring at foreigners is completely socially acceptable, so is pointing and yelling the swahili equivalent of “white person, white person, white person!” (Although, it should be noted that we’re not convinced you would get any different reaction from Americans in the back roads of the mid-west were you to place an African out there).

9. You can make money doing anything, even charging someone 50 cents to weigh himself or herself on a bathroom scale that’s probably broken in the middle of the sidewalk.

10. The used clothes industry is big here, you could be out in the middle of the bush and there’s someone wearing traditional African dress walking alongside someone who’s smoking pot wearing a “DARE: To Keep Kids Off Drugs” T-shirt.

11. Prices here are open for debate and bargaining is a way of life – especially for Mzungus (white people). If you want to know the price an African paid for the same thing you want to buy just take the price quotes, take away 90% of that, divide that figure in half and you have the “African Price”, too bad you’ll never pay that little for anything. The difference is only pennies but it’s the principle of the matter.
Something that goes inherently along with this topic is that Africans are never too proud when quoting prices. One guy looked us straight in the eye when he told us he would “cut us a deal” and let us rent his car for $2,000 month- how do you say “yeah right” in Kiswahili?

12. Learn to view power failures as romantic because it’s guaranteed that the power never runs 24 hours straight.

13. When you’re trying to say “We want to meet your son” don’t confuse the swahili word for “meet” with the one for “buy” as our friend did yesterday. “Yes, sir, we’d like to BUY your son.” What’s even stranger is that he wasn’t terribly apprehensive about our initial statement.

14. We figure the two English sayings school children learn here are “Good morning teacher” and “give me money.”

And the most important survival tip we’ve learn so far is:
15. You’ve never known a really good day until you’ve had a solid poop.

(compiled from a travel website)

Africa is so amazing. I love that everything is an adventure. You never know whats hiding round the corner or where the road ends and another begins.

I enjoy that I need to prepare atleast 2 weeks before the holiday to africa begins (the yellow fever, malaria prohylaxis), really makes me feel like im going somwhere far. I equally enjoy the look some people give me when theyve finished telling me theyre probably going to monaco or the french riviera and i tell them im going on vacation too. To god forsaken Africa. Theyre almost stupefied. :)

I love that when im in africa im naked. Devoid of any jewellery, make up or fancy hair. Its just me. And it feels so good to be in my own skin.

I love that every shop has "shop" at the end of its name. ie: obama hair 'shop'. or mama panya 'shop', xyz chemist 'shop'.

And that the children are always smiling oblivious to the poverty they are submerged in.

I love how instead of cows and donkeys, i see zebras and wildebeest, giraffes and gazelle on the side of the road. And theyre still wild. :) (oh what a beauty, just the thought of it).And knowing that lions and leopards arent too far.

i love the expanse of the parks and how you could be in the 1700's. AD or BC. It probably hasnt changed much since. And how there are lions resting under the shade of a thorny acacia and the elephants are drinking water from a river infested with crocodiles.

People ask how i can do it over and over again. How can i not get bored? Its quite simple. Things here are fluid. Nothing is permanent. -the eiffel tower wont grow any taller or the statue of liberty isnt suddenly gonna have a smile on her face.

But the baobab may grow thicker and the lion i saw last year, who knows if i come across him again, alone and outcast from his pride? Africa is an unfinished canvas. The theme the same, the characters forever changing.

I love how at night I can hear the roars of lions not far away from my tent or that i shouldnt venture out alone. That when i step out theres buffalo spoor all over. They visited while I slept.

I love the breakfast and the greedy starlings that hop around the table waiting for crumbs. And the vervet monkeys waiting up in the trees.

Oh i love the African sun and the blue blue skies. The expanse warms my soul. And the rain approaching the plains from far far away. Like a column of grey attaching the ground to the sky!

I love the punctured tyres. An alibi to get off and wander on foot (in close proximity to the vehicle ofcourse, dont want to cause too much trouble) until its fixed.

I love that Lunch could mean parking next to the kopje with a sleepy lion, then crawling onto the top of the land rover with a paper box with all the lunch goodies. (chocolate and muffins included) and watching the lion for a good hour and a quarter and that im the only person around (as far as my eye can see) in an expanse of never neverending grassland.

Which restaurant can boast of such great ambience?

And the excuse to down a few GnT's at sunset while exchanging safari stories with other guests while the klipsringer grazes on tiny grass. All the friends one makes on Safari! such a delight.

Time stands still for me in Africa. Or rather time goes on and on and on until it doesnt matter what time it is, what day it is, what week ive reached. I dont need to know.

Time is so meaningless there. One second. One moment. My time is measured in moments.

And i imagine what drama unfolds in the moments when i rest? is there a birth? a death? a second chance at life?

If so much can occur in moments when I sleep I wonder what happens when im away... Have the leaves spurted on the baobab, has the grass grown on the plains? have the cubs all made it, in my seronera pride? is the elephant pregnant? Must the old lone lion i saw on the short grass be still alive? And what clouds must canvas the blue skies? Must the air be heavy with african dust or has the rain quelled the thirst of the parched land?

This is my obsession. An endless romance. A senseless investigation. I need to know, to see, to feel, to be in this land which wont let me sleep. which bekons me with its wild ways, untamed spirit and the great wilderness of its charecter.

I wonder what has happened while I slept.

Devastation in the Gulf of Mexico.

Over the years I have realized that in my lonliness, im finding the most to think about, to ponder over, to talk about.

Ive been recently thinking of the Oil spills and the devestation that they have caused.

Like the Exxon in the Alaskan bay, or the one in the mediterranean and most recently publicized, the BP spill near the southern coast of the United States.

Were seeing 100's of pictures of aquatic life, like birds, fish, whales, plants bieng affected.

I feel so so sad! such cruelty!

Also, unethical conduct and corruption in large companies such as BP is unimaginable.

The fine is a measely punishment for a company that size.

I read yesterday about how theyre hiring prisoners to clean-up their mess. Literally!
For this cheap labour BP earns tax credits worth 2400USD per labourer. Also they may earn back upto 40% of the wages theyre paying to each prisoner. They will work 12 hours a day and 6 days a week. It pisses me off and makes me sick

More devastating to me are the effects that will last well over a century. To me this is akin to a Chernobyl or a Bhopal Gas tragedy over a region a hundred times larger!

What shit timming! the Oil Spill conincides with the spawning of the Highly endangered Blue Fin Tuna. The gulf is one of their preferred spawning grounds and the population of the fish has already plummeted down a shocking 90% in the last 40 years or so. This mistake which would probbaly cost BP a years profit would cost this species its existence. Scientists arent so confident that the population could ever recover after this Oil spill. Dolphins are behaving intoxicated and spraying oil through their blow holes, Turtles and Birds covered in Oil are washing up upon the shore.

So what does BP do? firstly down plays the amount of oil leaked, to avoid hefty fines, does not allow scientists to assess the leakage saying it will disturb their capping efforts which should be the first priority and uses a disperant that is controversial and not even allowed in the UK, but approved safe by the EPA. They say they have used Corexit as it was readily available in the week the tragedy occured. What not many know is that they stock it in huge quantites because of close business ties with its manufacturers.

The spill has affected wildlife and economies of the southern states that depend on the sea. They have some of USA's largest fishing communities. So far 200 odd suits have been filed and over 20,000 claims have been made. 9000 have been settled.

The sad part is, in the greed for oil, a large company uses "more economically viable" building materials around the well, which are cheap but unsafe, fails to follow basic protocol and carry certain safety equipment that they would normally carry at even much lesser depths, rapes the environment, the government is quick to blame but complacent in response and while fines will run into billions of USD, the costs of clean-up will run deeper. It will take decades, perhaps even a century to bring things to an equilibirium, or perhaps things may never be the same again.

As it is impossible to remove salt from the water once dissolved, remenants of this devastation may always exist. The oxygen levels in these waters will drop and the chemical composition will alter. This could amount to circumstances that we will only have to sit back and watch out for.

For we are humans, not Gods. We may have sent a man on the moon, or built a station in space but we cannot stop an accident which is theoretically as simple as putting a well fitted cap over a leaking mouth.

So until we may learn to control what happens here on this planet, in this time, we should probably restrict ourselves from venturing out in the galaxy because God knows what can happen there. I dont care about how many people may die or how much money we may loose. Because a 100 or even a 10,000 out of 6 billion will not jeopardize the existence of our kind. And money, well we will just print some more (were so good at it anyway). But if things change out there, we will have altered billions of years of stellar evolution. I mean weve already got garbage floating around in space and I think until we are confident enough to solve our problems here on earth we should probably not go create more where we may run out of breath!

Welcome! Karibuni!

While i enjoy writting, actually sitting down to write on Word suddenly arrests my flow of thought. I thought a blog would offer me a more casual approach to voicing out the million thoughts that run through my head and so often, through my heart.

Dont be amazed because I have the amazing ability to go from profound to senseless like the drop of a rollercoaster.

So friends, family, strangers, welcome to my consciousness!