The Chemistry of Memories.

As we know, a photograph is chemistry. Chemicals develop the image onto the paper. And once, the image appears you can not reverse it.
What happened to me 10 years ago was similar. I stood in front of the Ngorongoro Crater and I was just awe struck. When I arrived 20 minutes later at the Malanja Depression I saw that the volcanoes slowly gave way to the busiest plains in the world.

I swore to myself that I would come back. And live here.

Two and a half years ago, it happened. I had the chance to live and work in the Ngorongoro Conservation Area. It is a land declared as a World Heritage Site, dubbed often as the 8th wonder and always featuring in the "top 20 places to see before you die" lists. It is a place with the highest concentration of wildlife on earth, a place of volcanoes, rolling hills, mysterious forests and the open savannah. The Serengeti National Park is just on the other side. It is without exaggeration, a land of superlatives.
I was going to live here and a dream from almost a decade ago was coming true.

In the two and a half years Ngorongoro provided me with many privileges. I have seen the most beautiful skies, the most breathtaking vistas and wildlife has visited my doorstep, literally. I've had elephants scratch their backs on the walls of my house, lions that have slept outside my verandah and buffaloes have munched their way through the night on the patches of grass outside my bedroom.
I have seen the sunset over Ol Deani that has painted the sky in the most warm, soul stirring hues and rain that has traveled from the clouds just above in a vengeance.

So many times, i have had the privilege of seeing the largest mammalian migration on our planet. I can not even begin to describe those days on the plains. The smell of moisture, petrichor, the grunting and soft bellows of the wildebeest. The horizon with rain approaching from a distance. Lemakarot, the ancient mountain looming over the grounds.
How many times I have adventured myself to recreate in my mind the place 2 million years ago when our ancestors walked the plains. I have driven past the spot on so many occasions where some of the most important paleo-anthropological discoveries were made by the Leakey's. Footsteps of hominids preserved in earth from 2 million years ago. I have imagined these people, so different in physical form yet having the same fears as a man on an open plain. I envisioned them moving with the volcanoes regurgitating that orange phlegm from its belly that had been brewing for so long. Large predators and other animals walking in the same areas where I was, then.
I have been raptured by the sense of openness, the sight of nothingness and the air that has swirled around me has, each time, carried with it a piece of my soul. And I gave it to this land so willingly, like a martyr. I have never felt so alive with no purpose, except to live and breathe and then so fulfilled in just that. I have never lain my eyes on a part of earth so pulsating with miracles. I have never, ever, ever… been so overcome.
I have walked in a sea, yes a sea, of wildebeest as they starred with their silly faces at this bi-pedal animal. I have been stuck in the mud, the dust, the rain and I have wished that it wouldn't ever end.

In spite of more than half a million visitors annually, the land has always invited me into it's secret garden. I have found myself alone so often and taken previews of wonders with not another person around(except for Gilles). We have lunched under the acacia with a lioness and her very young cubs just a few 100 meters from us. We have slept under the open skies and around the most beautiful yellow barked acacias as giraffe, lions and leopard have all slept not far from us. We have driven through the Serengeti night looking for an odd hyena like creature called the aardwolf and then spotted it (thanks to a friend). We have been alone for miles on end and in retrospect, it has been the greatest privilege.

It has also been very hard sometimes. Working in a patriarchal society, being taken seriously as a woman has been so challenging. Being seen as the mtoto (child) and then trying to explain that you are serious, has been hard. I have also been very hurt sometimes, too hurt to wake up and start another day at times and for the first time, it hasn't been a boyfriend. I have felt so abused and betrayed and my anger has often vented itself in uncontrollable tears. I have made very few local friends. Most people have just wanted to "receive" something for the friendship. Favors in the form of jobs, advances, loans, recommendations. But then I have been to their homes, little mud huts surrounded by thicket to keep their livestock and children safe from the hyenas, leopards and lions. I have seen the incredible hardships of their lives as the perch precariously on the pivot of then and now. Maasai that dress in shukas (traditional red cloth) and carry spears. The young, fierce looking boys with moram (red earth) in their hair and the extravagant displays of their beaded jewelry yet carrying a cell phone in their hand. A people left so vulnerable by the rich tradition of their culture and moving into modernity with its tantalizing temptations of the many possible acquisitions.
It has helped me in my lowest ebbs, to reconcile this truth with my feelings. The people that I work with are the first generation of their kind that have received any (if any) abysmal education. They are still pastoral and yet they are looking for something more. I have found that they have hearts of wanderers which is far from romantic, hearts hardened by the harsh travails of their existence yet they have imbibed from what they see and make contact with, the need to settle and acquire.

I have lost my optimism in my workings with the government, the administrators of this jewel. Their commitment to their job, sincerity, capability is really non-existent. The corruption, the frivolity and nonchalance regarding pressing issues has amazed me. In this dark cellulose of administrative hell, the few (and i mean perhaps 2-3) have stood out like angels and I have great respect for them.

My job has also put me in contact with more than 15,000 people that have passed through the lodge and I have hosted them fortunately and unfortunately.
It has taught me an incredible amount about people, their bonds, relationships and the human mind. I have seen love that's still ignited, love that has turned to comfort and dislike. I have met teachers, bankers, politicians, bureaucrats and gods people. Designers, sportsmen, artists. I have met crooks, racists, assholes. I have also met people that had a light. I have seen just as much beauty in people I never knew, as I have seen in the plains. And I have seen just as much repulsive behavior.

I have made a few good friends....a nurse and a sports teacher, lion researchers, a photographer and lodge managers. I can count them on one hand but I have been enriched by these relationships. They have all taught me so much and I know that we will always be friends. We are tied some how through our experiences and fundamental understanding of the place. They know what its like and then, when you recollect your horrible story, somehow you can still sit around a camp fire and have a roaring laugh.

So then why am I saying goodbye?
Because, it was hard too. Because, I would've become too comfortable…. in the dysfunctionality, the mess, the routine. I felt settled. I felt I could handle and become used to the chaos to the point where I would forget it existed. Because life is for exploring. Because there is beauty everywhere and adventure is really breaking out of your secure zone. Life's most beautiful gifts are just out of view, but also just on the other side.

The person I have to thank most is Gilles. My friend, my other soul, my reflection. I have cried myself silly with anxiety and fears as he reassured me. He has protected me from abuse and he has loved me at my most impossible. He has helped me to look inside with the most critical analysis and to look outside with love and gratitude. I don't know if I could have done this without him. He has been the baobab that has rooted me as I grew higher.

The only thing I have missed is sharing this immense beauty and the peculiarity of the place with people that mattered the most. But I am also so thankful that I have been loved in absence and I have loved, remembered and missed them. That I have had the passion to share this experience, the opportunity to carry them with me in the most spectacular, the most breath-taking, the most religious of places. They have been with me in the most spiritual moments.

So, photographs are chemistry. So is something beautiful. I know that I may not remember the pictures I have seen, forever. I may forget the sunset I said I would always remember. I may forget the African full moon. But the chemicals in these events have been my catalysts. They have transformed me, exhilarated me and perhaps, they have implanted me with their beauty. So even if I do forget these images, their effect has been etched on my existence. It has been a reaction that can not be reversed.

And thank god for that, because if I had to die tomorrow, I have felt alive.

Mkomazi National Park trip. (Oct 2012)

It took us less than half an hour to fall in love with Mkomazi. The dryness, the harshness, the solitude. Driving along the mountains of the Pare in the bush of Mkomazi, we were content to spot what wanted to be seen. The first thing we saw were Ostriches in the grasslands near Dindira and behind them a Gerenuk, identified by it's long neck and forward arching horns. They were in the distance and were spotted thanks to a powerful pair of binoculars.

Mt Rada and the horizon streching into Tsavo NP, Kenya

On the circuit around Dindira Dam, there were signs of Elephants aplenty. We saw a large herd of Eland and zebras now and then. We stopped at the hill that overlooked Mt Rada and into the vastness stretching into Kenya. Lake Jipe was to our left and stretches of wild, small bush for miles and miles. It was a breath-taking view! We went on over to the observation point and took our lunch on the rocks there over looking the Pare and Dindira area. It was an afternoon warm with the sun and birds and little lizards scuttering around the rocks. A soft, cool breeze echoed solitude and suddenly, I was over come with a feeling of absolute contention.

Lunch on the Kopje! Cheese, Crackers, Avocado and Tomatoes  - Bush Gourmet!

As we came down a rocky slope, our land cruiser cautious on the path, we saw a bush buck prance away into the thickets and upon reaching the bottom, a herd of Impala does guarded by a beautiful, horned male. It seemed that upon traversing that rocky slope and coming down the mountain on the other side, we were really on our own. The sun slowly sinking towards the horizon cast beautiful light on the mountains and the ground glowed ochre. Roads diverged, unsigned and we only relied on some sense of direction and the sun to guide ourselves onto the right one, leading us to the Moare special campsite. After driving about 1.5 hours we saw a skittish group of Fringe Eared Oryx. We drove on, ultimately lost and arrived at Kisima. Ofcourse, we should've been left of Kisima but we never saw a road that turned left where it was indicated on the map!

An askari at the GAWT (George Adamson Wildlife Trust / Tony Fitzjohn) based in Kisima, put us onto a small path that he said led to Maore. We wouldn't have placed a bet on that one. It was unsigned, narrow and after the luck we had it seemed that it would lead us nowhere!
Luckily, past 6pm on the same road we met a TANAPA car that told us we were on the right path and should arrive at Maore in half an hour. As the sun set behind us, we drove through some very dusty/sandy roads and arrived at Maore ranger post one hour later. It was already dark and disappointedly we set up camp at the SPECIAL CAMPSITE which was hardly special owing to its very close proximity to the ranger post. (which could be seen from our tent) The campsite itself was barren and very windy. At night we heard an aardvark while we were already in the tent. I wish i had gotten out to see it! I missed my first aardvark sighting by 1 meter and a few winks.

Maore Special Campsite - Not very special for 50USD pppn. Ranger house at the back!

The next morning we dismantled our humble camp and reloaded the car as we drove to Komakota. We started early and intended on making a long circuit via Kifukua to Njiro and then by evening to Dindira. At Komakota we climbed the boulders and caused a frenzy in the hyrax society. A lesser Kudu remained oblivious to our presence until a herd of Impala below us suddenly became aware of our towering presence over them and ran for cover giving alarm calls. It was the most beautiful vista I had seen in a long time!

Driving on we passed turns that existed only on the map but never appeared until suddenly we came across a man on a bicycle and then a few. As usual, when we asked for directions they pointed us in the direction and told us we were on the right path. Nobody in Tanzania tells you they don't know. So eventually we reached a village and were out of the park. No exit sign, no post, no gate, no ranger. We drove past Mzina village for 60kms onto tarmac that led us to approach Same from the south 77kms later. A long and wasteful detour. Luckily, our 48 hour permit allowed us to re-enter through Zange entrance. We stayed around Dindira and made a short circuit around Babu's camp. By late afternoon we were at Dindira Special Campsite, nestled in tall acacia land. There were signs of Eland, Elephant and Aardvark. This campsite was definitely more special than Maore. A few beers, Martinis and fresh mangoes later we slept through a silent night.

The next morning, we stayed close to Dindira, visited Babu's Camp and then exited early to go towards Lake Chala.

All in all, Mkomazi is a great park to be away from the crowds of the Serengeti and Ngorongoro. Don't come here to see the big five. We saw plentiful signs of Lions and hyena but did not see them. This is a great park for seeing different antelope species. In 2 days we saw :

1. Fringe Eared Oryx
2. Gerenuk
3. Bush buck
4. Bush Duiker
5. Lesser Kudu
6. Grants gazelle
7. Eland
8. Dik Dik
9. Reedbuck
10. Impala
11. Waterbuck
12. Hartebeest
13. Steinbok

The problem is that this is a new park and the infrastructure is not fully developed. The roads and circuits in the north west area close to the park entrance are well developed and signed. As you go deeper into the park the roads are not signed and the roads that exist on the map do not exist on land. This obviously poses a problem to self drivers. For eg: we saw roads that were not on the map and then didn't see roads that were on the map. At one point after leaving the campsite at Maore we went on to Komakota which is a beautiful place with large boulders and rocks. We went over them to get a view of the park and it was a lovely morning!

As we drove on south from Komakota on the road that should have led us to a right turn that would take us to Njiro via Kifukua - the right turn never came (as shown on the map) so we continued driving south waiting for the turn to appear until we began to see people on bicycles and slowly entered a village.

So we had a 150km detour and wasted time and fuel which could've been spent in the park!

MAP with Comments - click to view

We loved Mkomazi for its wilderness, isolation and the dry bush. You could be in the park and not see another vehicle for a long time. We found it particularly easy to spot large herds of Eland (90 individuals appx) near Dindira. Also Elephants were spotted in the distance. Ofcourse, our the big excitement was spotting the Gerenuk and the Fringe Eared Oryx ( Besia species) which was the first for me. I also saw other antelope I had not seen before such as a bush duiker and reedbuck. We did not really ask for permission to visit the Rhinos or the dogs. We were just happy to be away from the mad crowds of the NCA and the Serengeti.

However, all said and done – as happy as we would be to return to Mkomazi in a heartbeat, this is not a park for everyone. People with great expectations will be disappointed. I think it will appeal to those wanting to be in nature and having no demands to see the Big 5 or whatever else. This is not the park you want to come to, to see lions, elephants, leopards, rhinos, buffaloes in 24 hours. It does not have the concentrations of wildlife like some of the northern parks. However, it has great character and a feeling of true wilderness. TANAPA seem to be doing well in maintaining the park especially in the circuits near the entrance. I suppose in time even the roads in the central areas will be better signed and the problem of the map vs. Ground reality will be attended to. Tony Fitzjohn's biggest achievement, in my opinion, is not the Rhinos or the dogs.... it was his ability and perseverance after strong blows to their efforts, time and good will to have this Game Reserve managed by the Wildlife Division to be finally gazetted into a National Park and therefore ensure its continuity and the preservation of it's resources for every common visitor to experience.

Keep patience, expect nothing, live the peace, enjoy the isolation, listen to the birds, follow the tracks – Mkomazi then, will not disappoint.